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”“I don’t have anything I could give you...” she muttered.“Well, how about you show me your tits?” I said. I wanted to make her think twice about borrowing money from me again. Embarrassing her like that would probably do it.“Why in hell would you want to see your sister’s tits?” she gasped.“Why the hell not?” I shot back. “You seem to be proud of them. I’ve seen the way you dress.”She seemed to waver for a minute with that one. Good. Maybe she’s learning a lesson here.Finally, she spoke up. “As long as you don’t tell anyone.”“Why would I tell anyone,” I shrugged. “And who’d believe me anyway?”“Well, I guess,” she grumbled. “I mean...”“Come on, let me see.”Laurie turned to face me and lifted up her tank top and the sports bra under it, letting a pair of perfect B-sized cones drop free. They were so firm they only bounced twice. She covered them up within five seconds.“Oh god, I can’t believe I just did that,” she whispered.“And you think that was worth three hundred bucks?” I. I was back at the Mall as Santa's mostfabulous helper. Remember Loretta Young, the actress, who had a TV show inthe Fifties. She would swirl in through the doorway, full skirts billowing.They dressed me in a red taffeta dress, very full with stiff petticoatsholding the skirt way out. A white fur jacket. Capped sleeves showed offblack arm's-length gloves. Paste pav? necklace and bracelets, matchingchandelier earrings. A Marilyn flip under a silly Santa hat. Yep, anotherhorribly dated, attention demanding outfit that made me the punchline ofRhonda's fashion sight gag. So retro that my flashy tastelessness was besidethe point. Watch me pirouette through the sequin-covered gates of Santa'scastle. Smile and pose. Flash go a dozen cameras. Pose with the kids? Ofcourse not! I sit on the Daddy's laps, feel them push and wiggle underneathmy slippery skirts, leaving me no choice but to smile for the birdie.Humiliated again in public, watching the Mommies laugh at my predicament.Like 200 times.
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